BREAKING: Professional Confused About What He Actually Does After Updating LinkedIn Title

BRUSSELS—In breaking news today, local professional Bram Van Genechten found himself staring blankly at his screen this morning, struggling to remember his actual job responsibilities after updating his LinkedIn profile. What was once a straightforward “Business Analyst” title has now been replaced with: “Senior Business Strategy Architecture Ninja | Synergy Facilitator | Innovation Advocate | Thought Leadership Guru & Data Whisperer.”

It all began innocently enough. “I just wanted to show I’m adaptable,” Bram admitted, scrolling through a list of titles that sound more like an Avengers team-up than an actual career path. “But then I saw others adding ‘Strategist’ and ‘Thought Leader’ to their profiles, and I thought, why stop there?”

However, the problem began when Bram’s manager, the entire HR department, and even his own parents started asking, “Wait, so… what do you actually do?” Now, instead of clarifying his career, his profile has triggered widespread confusion, prompting one HR colleague to speculate, “Is Bram pioneering some kind of quantum career where he occupies multiple roles at once?”

His daily meetings have become a guessing game. “We’ve started giving him assignments based on which title shows up first in his profile,” said his colleague Susan. “Yesterday, he was supposed to ‘facilitate transformative growth discussions,’ but he ended up ‘evangelising sustainable synergy.’”

Yet, Van Genechten insists this is all part of a larger personal rebranding. “Titles are important,” he emphasised, while typing out a draft for his next update: “Future-Forward Change Catalyst & Global Wellbeing Ecosystem Architect.”

His manager, Karen, admitted, “Honestly, no one’s sure what Bram does anymore. But his profile’s impressive, so we’re keeping him.” With Van Genechten’s self-described “cross-functional mastery,” we can only hope he remembers his actual role before his next performance review. During the time of edition, Van Genechten was seen quietly in a corner whispering to himself: “Who even am I anymore?”