BREAKING: New Study Finds Every Recruitment Firm Claiming They Are The Best Really Believe They Are The Best

BRUSSELS—In a revelation that has stunned precisely no one in the recruitment industry, a recent study has confirmed that every single recruitment firm claiming to be the “best” in the business genuinely believes they are indeed the crème de la crème. Researchers are now scrambling to see if this breakthrough can be applied to parents who think their child is the most talented on the school talent show.

The study, conducted by the very prestigious Institute of Blindingly Obvious Research (IBOR), surveyed 1,000 recruitment firms, each of which touted themselves as the “industry leader”, “top-tier”, or “simply the best, better than all the rest”.

Dr. Sarcasto, the lead researcher of the project, stated, “Initially, we were baffled. Mathematically, it’s impossible for everyone to be the best. But emotionally and egotistically? Oh, the charts are off the scale.”

He further added, “This research has groundbreaking implications. It essentially confirms that self-belief is not constrained by trivialities like facts or objective reality.”

Further into the report, it was revealed that:

1. 100% of recruitment firms believe they have the “most rigorous screening process.”
   
   
2. 99% claim they have the “most dedicated consultants.” The remaining 1% were too busy accepting awards for being the best to respond.
   
   
3. A whopping 102% boasted about their unparalleled industry connections. (Researchers are still figuring out the math on that one.)
   
   

In a counter-study conducted by Puzzled Clients International (PCI), 75% of businesses reported not seeing any discernible difference between recruitment firms, other than the colour of their ties and the stock photos on their websites.

Janet Confused, CEO of a mid-sized tech startup, shared her thoughts: “Last week, I had three recruitment firms tell me they were the best. One of them even sent me a fruit basket as evidence. I still can’t figure out if it’s a metaphor for their ‘fruitful partnerships’ or if they’re just really into pears.”

There are, of course, critics of the study. TopNotch Recruiters, a firm that claims to be the “leader of leaders in recruiting,” argues that while everyone else might be deluded, they genuinely are the best. Their proof? A shiny trophy they bought for themselves on eBay.